Breaking My Heart Read online

  We head back to my apartment planning on watching a movie. Much more subdued plans for a Saturday night than what I’m used to. But I think I spoke too soon when I hear my phone beep.

  I get two texts from Chelsie and Tia saying they are heading out to the smashing new club in town that has become our little hang out. I'm getting itchy feet so I decide its club time but wonder if Kade will be up for it?

  “Hey do you think we could meet some friends of mine at a club later?” I ask Kade unsure of what his response will be.

  “Oh really, I thought we were gonna stay in? I’m not dressed to go out,” he responds and it’s true he is in board shorts and a t-shirt.

  “We can run to your place and get your jeans and a coloured shirt, it will be fun,” I tell him trying to convince him. I just can’t help myself when I think of clubbing, dancing and getting high.

  “Well if that’s what you want to do, I will do it for you,” Kade tells me leaning in to kiss me.

  “Yay, thanks baby, you will have fun I promise,” I add. Not really sure if it will be his scene or not. Jemma is now coming too and we are going to The Sweet Satire, it's a favourite night club of ours. Everyone is meeting at around ten. I jump in the shower and dress in dark skinny jeans and a red sequined top, I add my silver hoop earrings and bangles, fix my hair into a messy bun and I’m almost done. I apply light make up but some hot red lipstick to go with my top and I think I’ve made the right choice from Kades reaction.

  “Damn Roxy do you want me to get into a fight trying to keep guys away from you all night? You look smoking hot baby,” he tells me and within five seconds his hands are on my arse.

  “Aww thanks babe, but I’m all yours so you won’t need to get jealous, I will sucker punch anyone who comes near me I promise,” I say adding light humour and kissing him to distract him further. I slip on my strappy black heels and call out to Jemma. “You ready hoe?”

  “Almost skank,” I hear her yell from her bedroom. Kade looks amused by our humorous affections for each other, but it’s just something we say. Not harmless in the least. Although sometimes I do wonder if I’m fluent in sarcasm, it just comes out so damn easily.

  We drive to Kade’s while he runs in and changes, he comes out looking hot to trot. Damn, maybe home and my bed was the better option after all. He smells amazing when he climbs in the car. I still can’t believe we haven’t had sex yet, it’s a record for me.

  “Kade you look hot and smell amazing, I will be beating chicks away tonight too,” I tell him and grab his hand, then move in to kiss him, then I rub my nose along his neck. He smiles at me. I love his smile.

  The plan is to drop our car back at home and to cab it in, it’s not the best neighbourhood to leave your car in and the last thing we need is a smashed window or break in.

  We arrive at The Sweet Satire a little after ten, the regular bouncer Julius is working and he lets us in no problem. “This is Kade, Julius,” I say to him. They shake hands and nod to each other. It’s not every day I turn up with a guy, leave with one sure, but not hand in hand at the start of the night.

  The club is heating up; lots of strobe lights, a disco ball, a few podium dancers and glow sticks are the in thing on the dance floor. This was how I used to spend my weekends before Kade.

  I spot Tia and Chelsea with some other guys and girls; I’m holding Kade's hand as I head over to them. They kiss us hello, all eyes are on Kade. “Guys this is Kade,” I tell them smiling joyfully. “Kade this is Tia from Uni and Chelsea we went to high school with. The others are dancing so I’ll do more introductions later.”

  If Kade wants in my life, well this is it. I can’t just turn off my fun and partying for him, even though I do regret it the next day and possibly the full week afterwards sometimes. Everything has been going great though, I feel that I’m growing but I still want to be independent and I hope he doesn’t become controlling.

  “Let’s grab some drinks,” I say to Kade. “Jem you want a cruiser?” I ask her already knowing she will say yes. She nods.

  As Kade and I head to the bar he grabs my hand affectionately, I'm definitely not used to the PDA but it's sweet. “You want a beer?” I ask and look in his direction. He is checking me out big time, it feels amazing. I guess he likes what he sees. “What are you looking at?” I ask him in my flirtatious and cheeky voice.

  “Looking at my hot girlfriend, damn that red lipstick and top are making me want you bad Rox,” he tells me. I think it just got about ten degrees hotter in here.

  “Stop looking at me like that or we will end up doing it in the toilets baby,” I tell him half serious, but hey it could definitely happen when the tension feels like this. I smile.

  He laughs and kisses me. “Yes I will have a beer, though I’m buying,” he says and already has his wallet out.

  “Fine but there are plenty more rounds for me to pay for,” I say smirking.

  The bar tender looks over at me, it’s Marko; he has been working here since the club opened so he’s seen me at my worst. “Hey Roxy, what will you have?” he asks.

  “Hey Marko I’ll have two passionfruit cruisers and this is Kade.” I signal.

  “Hey dude,” he says to Kade.

  “I’ll grab a Tooheys Dry schooner thanks mate,” Kade says in his deep manly voice.

  “That’ll be eighteen, dude,” he says to Kade. He hands him a twenty and tells him to keep the change. I’m glad he is easy going; I hate the tight arse guys that think they’re too good to tip.

  We head back over and see Jemma has grabbed a table for us. I give her cruiser to her, she pulls me closer and whispers, “We have already popped our pill girlfriend, it’s your turn.” It’s just like our usual weekends. I give her a look that says I don’t know if I should. “Come on Rox, just one, you know you wanna, we will smash it on the dance floor,” she insists.

  “I dunno I think Kade will get angry with me,” I tell her, worried.

  “It’s your life honey, what do you wanna do?” she asks me giving me the come on, do it for me look.

  “Ok one won't hurt bathroom break?” I say.

  “Kade, you ok for a second me and Jemma are off to the bathroom?” I query. He pulls me in for a kiss.

  “Sure but don't be too long baby,” he responds.

  I feel so guilty already. I'd told him bits of my past, yes I've done drugs, but I used past tense. Meaning finished, over. I wanna stop but I feel addicted, like I have no choice, it’s my escape, the withdrawal is hard, I wish I had the strength to stop.

  Jemma grabs my hand and drags me into the toilets. We get two stalls next to each other. This is the way we always do it. I hear Jem getting it out of the sachet, she then passes her purse and the water bottle I didn’t see she had, under the stall to me. I grab them, unzip the purse and see a green pill with a smiley face on it.

  I’ve never had these before. I hesitate and think of Jemma, this will be my last time, just one more time for her. That's it. I swallow it down. Knowing it will be about a half hour before the effects kick in. Coming out of the stall I look at Jemma. “What are these ones?” I enquire. “Hope not trippy that’s the last thing I need.”

  “Chelsea said she’s had them in blue and they were great,” she tells me.

  We head back to Kade. Tia is chatting to him, that’s great, nothing worse than sitting in a club you don’t know with people you don’t know. “Thanks for looking after him hun,” I thank Tia smiling.

  We pretty much scull down our drinks, so Kade goes to order another round and some tequila shots. I’m hoping he loosens up enough to dance with us and not notice my different behaviour.

  Fifteen minutes pass and I feel my mouth go quite dry. That’s symptom number one.

  I sip my drink and look up to Jemma who nods, obviously feeling the same effect. Kade grabs my hand and pulls me closer. “You're quiet tonight, you okay?” he queries.

  I nod. “Yep I'm fine, great even, you better come and dance with me soon,” I tell him.
/>   “Anywhere you go I'll follow,” he answers in such a cute voice and kisses my lips softly.

  About ten minutes later I feel symptom two; the music intensifies, it seems to get louder, clearer, sharper. My eyes feel like they are popping out. Yep it’s working. “Let’s go dance,” Jemma shouts.

  No doubt feeling like I am. “Let's go Kade,” I say. We all finish off our drinks. I can feel my hands getting sweaty. Oh yeah this is a good pill.

  Kade grabs my hand. “Gross you're so sweaty baby,” he laughs.

  Wiping my palms on my jeans, I ignore him and drag him after Jemma on the dance floor. Perfect timing as the song changes to a familiar beat. The others are already on the dance floor, this is such a raging song, fast beat, and tempo is super insane. We start to dance, Kade is still holding my sweaty hand; he is starting to get tipsy probably from the tequila shots. He is a cute dancer, not very experienced but very cute.

  My throat is rough; I must remember to get water next bar trip. I am getting dehydrated, my mouth is so dry. Jemma and Tia are dancing like machines, so much rhythm and stamina. I free my hand from Kade to get my groove on too, he is watching me like a hawk, feels like I’m being stalked, preyed upon.

  I am starting to feel a little paranoid. Does he know I’ve taken a pill? Is he judging me? Shit I feel like I’m going to freak out. I look to my safe haven Jemma but she is preoccupied. I look to Kade again he is staring, starting to worry. He is at my side immediately.

  “What’s wrong Rox? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you okay baby?” he asks, grabbing my hand.

  Leave me alone, I am thinking. My heart is racing, feeling like it may explode, shit. I am breathing so fast, I can’t catch my breath, feeling dizzy and claustrophobic. Deep breaths I think to myself. Get past it Roxy. “I just gotta go to the bathroom babe, too hot,” I smile to him. Hoping he buys it.

  I move over to Jemma, she looks at me and gets a very concerned look. “Shit Rox are you tripping out honey?” I nod.

  She grabs my hand and guides me to the toilets. My eyes are spinning; everything is so god damn loud I think my ear drums might pop. Shit. I knew it, I always check for the trippy pills and this is exactly what this one is. “It’s okay Rox, deep breaths, I’m here. Remember just to relax, freaking out makes it worse,” she says hugging me. I go straight to the tap, sculling water by the litre, splashing my face to calm the burning. I have no recollection of time or how long it takes. Jemma has me sitting on the powder room chair, breathing deep and talking me through it. We both had a trippy pill one night and it was hell. We saw trees flying towards us, fire, and it totally fucked up our night. Much like this is doing to mine and Kades. Kade! Fuck.

  “Jem, Kade must think I’m sick, shit he will be so worried!” I scream to her instantly concerned.

  “Don’t stress, he will just think you’ve had too much to drink, one of the others would have come in to check if he was too worried,” she tells me calming me again. I breathe in and out, in and out.

  “Tell me something to take my mind off this Jem,” I plead with her.

  “Okay well remember when we were in year eight and we had that Japanese teacher Mr. Wah, he didn’t even notice that we rolled up balls of chewy and threw them at his woollen jumper when he would write on the board. I can still see his white jumper now with fifty balls of chewing gum stuck to it,” she tells me cracking up laughing.

  I am also laughing hard. “Oh my god Jem that’s hilarious I’d forgotten about that,” I giggle back. I’m now feeling much better and less tripped out. Distraction definitely works.

  “Hey babe, I think this will be the last night I do this for a while, it’s just not me anymore,” I tell her squeezing her hand. “The next few days will be hell, and well I wanna see how things go with Kade without all this shit and coming down off pills shit to deal with,” I add being honest.

  “Yep good idea girlfriend, I won’t offer it anymore,” she smiles. I’m secretly hoping she stops soon too. Her job as a veterinary nurse is very technical and hands on, I’d hate for her to make any stupid mistakes.

  I stand up and check in the mirror, shit I look woeful. I grab my compact out of my sparkling silver purse and reapply then add my red lipstick. I take one more deep breath. “Let’s go face the music, thanks again Jemma. You will always be my rock,” I grab her hand and we walk out. I push my way through the crowds, still not feeling great, but eager to see Kade and I’m sure he will be concerned. I see him and I feel a flutter in my heart. He’s mine, what an amazing feeling.

  “Hi baby,” I say to him pinching his arse.

  “Hey Rox, I was close to sending in a search party what happened to you are you okay?” he asks hastily with a very worried expression. Then he throws his arms around me.

  “I’m fine, just felt sick and dizzy so Jemma sat it out with me,” I answer. “Sorry that I made you worry, we should have just stayed home,” I add.

  “I’m just glad you’re okay, you have no idea the scenario’s that were playing out in my head,” he tells me as he kisses me. It feels sensational, all my senses are heightened and I feel so alive and wanting more.

  “How bout we go back to my place? I’ve had my dance baby,” I say smirking. His response is instant.

  “Yep totally ready to go and snuggle with you my red lipped princess.” Kade smiles and squeezes my hand.

  We say our goodbyes and catch a cab; I am glad to be heading home. Not feeling in control, unstable and scared from the trippy drug is the worst feeling, glad it’s mostly over.

  We make it through the front door and Kade immediately has me up again the wall. “Right now I need you naked, with nothing but your red lipstick on baby. I’ve waited for this all night,” he tells me with lust, need and passion burning through his chocolate almond shaped eyes. Wetness pools between my legs. I obey and lift off my red top showing him my sexy red bra; it’s my favourite push up bra that shows maximum cleavage. He kisses the top of my breasts. They feel so swollen already and then he unbuttons my jeans and pulls them down revealing my sexy lacy thong to match. “Damn that is hot and makes me insatiable baby.” He kisses my lips hard and adds his tongue; he tastes like the tequila and beer he drank earlier.

  I kiss him back with passion and push against him, realising I still have my shoes on. “Shoes baby,” I tell him. But he keeps kissing me, then pulls my jeans down further and starts to fondle my clit getting me so hot and horny. He creates a steady tender rhythm by adding a finger inside my core and moving it skilfully around massaging my wetness.

  Damn that is fucking amazing. He increases his speed and I moan which makes him go faster.

  I feel so sensitive and high from the ecstasy tablet that I know my climax will not be far away and I can feel from the mind blowing build-up of this orgasm that it will be stronger than ever before. He pulls down my bra and sucks my nipple, biting a little as his fingers play me like an instrument. I feel my release coming and my legs start shaking. Boom! Just like fireworks my orgasm hits, stronger than I’ve ever felt, I’m quivering and so euphoric I could stay like this forever. I bite into Kade’s shoulder and ride out this memorable moment of pleasure. “Damn baby that was phenomenal!” I tell him. “Let’s go to my room,” I say to him. He lifts me up and carries me with my jeans still around my knees.

  He lays me on the bed, removing first my shoes, and then he removes my jeans and kisses up my legs.

  I think it’s time we moved to the next step. But part of me is scared; will he leave me after we have sex? Will it change his perception of me?

  We start kissing heavily and passionate, he is pushing his hardness into me and I’m thrusting upwards. “How about you get your jeans off,” I demand. He takes them off and his shirt as I remove my bra. He takes my breasts into his mouth again.

  I can’t bite my tongue any longer, I want this man so I ask him, “Do you want me? All of me Kade? I’m yours if you do.”

  He looks unsure. “Do you think we should wait a bit longer?
I don’t want to rush this. Things are going so well.” Well that is a refreshing change, he wants to wait, so sweet and reassuring, but damn it I need this now so I push my core onto his hardness.

  “It will only make it better, special, intimate,” I growl to him, I’m so horny I am throbbing and feel as if I may explode.

  I kiss him hard and suck on his tongue. He grabs my arse and moves to rub my wetness, then starts to take off my g-string. “Yes, I think it will make it more special too Rox, I want you,” he answers greedily. He pushes one finger inside me. Then he adds another. “Always wet and ready, my beautiful Roxy,” he declares to me sweetly.

  I grip his boxers and pull them down, his large cock springs free, I grab it and glide my hands up and down his thickness. “Lay back baby,” I tell him before I push him on the bed.

  I lick the tip of his shaft, watching his eyes. They are so dark brown with pleasure; the yellow flecks are nowhere to be seen tonight.

  I wrap my lips around the tip and start to suck, up and down, creating the perfect suction and rhythm. Kade moans loudly, “Agh, baby that’s so good,” I can feel him starting to flex and I want him to come so I suck harder and faster, wanting to taste him. I want to take the edge off and to satisfy him.

  He closes his eyes and shouts, “Oh Roxy!” He squirts himself into my throat and I swallow thirstily. “You taste so good baby,” I tell him. I climb up and kiss his lips; he cuddles me and brings me close to his chest. I lick in his ear and feel him start to harden again. Yes that move works every time so I grab his length again and begin to move my hand up and down.

  He reaches down and inserts a finger inside my dripping core, then two fingers. “Baby you are so dripping for me again; I want my cock inside you.” He flips me over onto the bed and kisses me, stopping to get a condom out of his wallet.

  “Let me do it,” I tell him. So I roll it down his long thickness, wanting it inside me so bad, my core is throbbing and so sensitive.

  He puts the tip at my opening and starts to push. I’m stretching to fit him, he’s so thick and hard it’s amazing. He pushes in further. “You feel amazing!” I say emphasizing the word amazing.