Breaking My Heart Read online

  Breaking My Heart

  Aleya Michelle

  Table of Contents

  Prelude

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  Dedication

  To my hubby and boys.

  I love you forever and always

  If You love something, set it free,

  if it comes back it’s yours...

  if it doesn’t it never was...

  Richard Bach

  Prelude

  He is there in the distance. Walking towards me...

  He looks older, aged somewhat, with wrinkled skin and withered smile lines, but he has the same face that I remember, the same brown wavy hair and soft blue eyes that used to keep me safe and warm my heart.

  He pauses and looks at me with those crystal eyes. His expression is one of guilt, sadness and betrayal but I do see regret in there as well. His posture and direction changes as he pivots to turn away. “No, wait. Don't go,” I say to him. He looks back for one last glance then turns and runs.

  “Please stay. Please, Daddy, please don't leave me again,” I cry out through my sobbing.

  I sit up in bed and realise it was a nightmare. I feel shaky, and unstable, I am crying, deeply scared and alone. I struggle to catch my breath as sweat drips down my face; my heart is racing a million miles per hour.

  It is the same nightmare I've been having since my father left us nineteen years ago.

  My name is Roxy Thorne. Well my mum named me Roxanne, meaning: you like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain.

  Thinking her daughter would be tough and independent and boy was she right!

  Why wouldn't I be?

  My low life of a father walked out on us when I was five. He selfishly left my poor mother with two children, all alone, isolated with no family and a black eye from him.

  I think if I ever saw him again I'd spit in his face. Who abandons their family like they are trash?

  Not having a male role model around has been hard, especially for my older brother Jeremy.

  Of course mum has had her share of boyfriends if you can call them that.

  I've seen her crying over them numerous times. None one of them could hold down a job or were stable. They used her for her money, she bought them cars, paid their debts and on top of that she would cook them dinner, wash their clothes and treat them like they were kings, with nothing in return but “you’re worthless” and “nobody else would want you” comments that made her into a shadow of her former self.

  So, excuse me if I don't respect or really care about the male species.

  Honestly, to me they are only good for one thing; and not one male I’ve ever met has proven me wrong.

  Growing up in North Sydney, I would always walk through the city and along the harbour.

  It was just me and the ripples of the water; the sound was soothing and calmed me.

  Often imagining I was in a boat and the current would take me far away.

  Take me to a new life, one more meaningful, though with less complications.

  I’ve always had my head stuck in the clouds though so whatever my reality was it would never compete with my imagination.

  I’ve always wished I could be invisible, just me and my mind.

  Where I could escape life and be away from everyone and everything.

  I guess that’s why I turned to drugs; it was a mask, an escape...

  They gave me a feeling of euphoria, of confidence, and made me forget about the rest of the world.

  Chapter 1

  Lust at First Sight

  It was just another Saturday night and the music in the club was pumping with such an addictive beat that it had my body grinding... I loved to dance. It made me feel free, alive, and sexy!

  I had already had quite a few cocktails and had a line of cocaine with my all-time bff Jemma.

  We knew a lot of the people at Midnight Dreams; it was the hottest club right now.

  Well on the North side of the city anyway.

  We are dancing to the newest Pitt Bull song, damn that dude could sing and all his songs were funky and hot. A few guys have tried for my attention. Not anyone special, just the usual jerks and sleazebags, all after the same thing and yeah it is

  like heaven, the sex and no commitment.

  But well maybe I am growing up, wanting more? It’s always just fun and a good time, and nothing more, maybe I want someone to cuddle and caress me?

  I am sick of the over confident men at the moment. I’ve bloody had my share of dirt bags, so I decide to just dance and enjoy my time with Jem. I recall a recent conversation with my girlfriend Tia, she said to me, “Men are all poison, corrupt, yet addictive. How can we ever win?” I couldn’t agree with her words more.

  Well, that is until I spot a cute, timid guy at the bar, well hell he’s not my usual type but he is definitely appealing and intriguing none the less. He is staring quite intensely at me. Then he blushes and looks away when he realises I've caught him. His eyes are big and beautiful just like a puppy-dog; I need to get closer to see the colour of those inviting irises... Hmm, a shy guy. This could be fun.

  I'm used to the cocky, self-assured arseholes that know they are a sure thing. They all think they are, anyway. I’ve proven many of those guys wrong along the way that’s for sure.

  Jemma is dancing in her own world, oblivious to my prowling, “Hey Jem, I’m off to the bar do you want a drink girlfriend?” I ask her and she nods so I walk while swaying my hips in my sexy style over to order our Bacardi’s.

  I glance in his direction; yep he's very cute, blonde spikey hair, soft facial features, big muscly shoulders... and those heavenly eyes are a rich brown colour that look like my favourite Ultra chocolate ice cream they’re so dark. Yet they are brilliant and sparkling like a diamond with flickers of amber how unique.

  He looks at me, smiles, and then looks away. OMG too

  sweet. I wonder if he's a virgin? I am so bad. But it feels so good.

  “Hi,” I say as I stand next to him and lean over the bar.

  “Hi,” he says back, blushing. “I’m Roxy,” I tell him sounding raspy and sexy.

  “I’m Kade,” he answers with a deep, huskiness that is extremely sexy.

  “Can I get you a drink?” I ask, being my usual pushy self and taking the lead.

  “Isn’t that my job?” he asks while smirking.

  He reaches for his wallet, orders a beer and generously pays for us both. I’m impressed that he took some initiative. “I’ll have a Bacardi please,” I tell the bar tender.

  “Are you here with friends?” I enquire, wondering why he’s sitting all alone.

  “Yep. They are all pretty wasted in the sports bar and I needed a change of scenery,” he tells me.

  “Well, I'm glad I met you, Kade,” I declare enthusiastically.

  “Is that so?” he questions with a smile.

  “Definitel
y,” I answer, leaning in and showing way too much cleavage. Whoops. He glances at my boobs. Well, who can miss them in this halter-neck top? Perfect timing as we are given our drinks.

  He sips his drink and looks away. When he looks back, he tells me while fidgeting and playing with his drink coaster, “You are very forward, aren’t you?”

  I smile and reply, “When I see something I want I just go

  for it.” I confess to him. I notice his dark chocolate eyes seem to burn with want.

  But he continues the idle chit chat, seeming to want to talk and not like he’s in a hurry to get me alone and do me up against a wall somewhere, like the usual tools. Very interesting, I think to myself.

  “How about you tell me a bit about yourself Roxy,” he says me giving me his undivided attention.

  Okay sure I know this game, twenty questions, and then it’s back to his place, wham bam thank you mam.

  “OK, I’m twenty-four and work in a graphic design studio four days a week, studying graphic design at uni the other day,” I tell him and wonder how long it will be before he gets bored with my voice.

  “That sounds cool,” he proclaims and then asks, “so are you into the weird and wacky design or more contemporary?’”

  My eyes widen I’m shocked; this guy is good at making me think he wants more than just sex and actually sounds fascinated by my job.

  “I like to mix it up a bit, you know the new and old, raunchy and sophisticated,” I reply while trying to lure his eyes to mine with my flirtatious stare.

  “Do you live in the city?” Aha there it is my place or yours?

  “Yes I’m in North Sydney about fifteen minutes from here, wanna come back to mine for a few drinks?” I propose to him. Just like fishing; hook, bait, and sinker. He looks down, has a sip of his beer then smiles.

  “How bout I order us another round of drinks and we can talk some more?” he asks me sincerely.

  He really surprises me by saying that. Was that a rejection?

  “Okay sure I’ll have another Bacardi then I better find Jemma and head off, oh shit I forgot her drink too.” Not really wanting to go but just gaging his response, wondering what his deal is?

  While he is ordering our drinks, I watch him getting the money out of his wallet. He has typical male hands; they look very rough which shows me he works with them for a living. They look clean but still have stains embedded in the nail bed, the nails themselves almost look too short. Nail biter for sure. Maybe he’s the nervous type. His hands are impressively large and my mind starts to wonder, thinking of what they could do to my body, rubbing up and down giving me chills as his rugged fingers touch my skin. I get goose bumps just thinking about it.

  Roxy you are terrible, I think to myself. So I wait for my next Bacardi and even though I assume he must be a tradesman of some type from his coarse, stained hands and toned arms - I still ask him to keep the conversation flowing, “Kade what do you do for a living?”

  “I work in the building industry for Elite Builders as the site manager, but I still get my hands dirty on the work sites as you can probably see from these hands.” He shows me turning them over. His response makes me smirk. Well yes I was dreaming of your hands and what they are potentially capable of actually.

  “Cool job, I like a man who gets his hands dirty. Hard work never killed anyone,” I say really meaning it. The men who wear suits and sit on computers all day really do nothing for me, give me your typical Aussie tradie covered in dirt, grease and sweat any day!

  Kade passes me my drink and our fingers touch causing aspark between us to sizzle. I smirk at him knowing he felt it too by the sound of his breathing.

  “Do you live out this way?” I enquire. Surely one more question can’t hurt right? I’m not wanting to stay here at the bar with him longer if that’s what you’re thinking.

  “No way, I can’t get used to the hustle and bustle here; I like my peace and quiet.” A penny for his thoughts right now... “I live near the beach at Manly. I love my surfing,” he adds.

  Well that would explain the bronze tan and muscles on his arms. Who doesn’t love muscular arms right?

  “That’s cool about the surfing, I’ve always wanted to learn to surf,” I say automatically, even though it’s not the whole truth. He smirks and from his body language I’d say he’s imagining me in a bikini. My work here is done. “Well Kade these new shoes I’m wearing are killing my feet so I’m going to find my friend and head off. The offer still stands if you want to join me?” I grin at him waiting for the yes that usually comes from guys at the end of the night. But this time it doesn’t come.

  “I should really go and find my mates, but I’d love to take you out some time Roxy. Can I get your number?” He answers me, leaving me surprised and dumbfounded.

  Okay so he turned down more drinks and sex but wants my number to take me out. I honestly can’t remember the last time that happened. Well it can’t hurt right; it’s just a number and will probably lead to friends with benefits, which makes my mind wander. My subconscious tells me, you are a naughty girl.

  “Okay sure,” I reply smiling and yet still not sure I believed it. He gets out his phone and types in my name ROXY and checks with me if it is the right spelling. That’s a first too, usually the guys spell it Roxie or Roxi or one even typed chick from sat night. Yep, true story.

  “Yes it’s perfect,” I tell him then I give him my number as he types; wondering if it’s a waste of time, a guy doesn’t really call these days now does he?

  “How about I call you Monday around five thirty and we can see when we are both free?”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I respond.

  “Talk to you then Roxy, get home safe,” he tells me as he finishes his drink, smiles at me then stands up and goes to find his mates.

  Well that was a nice change or was it? Sex really was appealing to me right now. I was feeling a bit tipsy from the alcohol and high from the coke but hey I always have my friends in my top drawer.

  Heading off into the crowd I search for Jemma. I find her dancing on the dance floor, dirty dancing to be exact. I run up to her and hug her and whisper in her ear, “I have a date.” She looks at me and grins. “A date on the work bench huh so where is he? Oh and where’s my drink bitch?”

  “He took my number and will call Monday to take me out.”

  “Oh Rox,” she cautions. “That’s what they all say.”

  “Let’s get out of here the music is becoming shit and the dweeb over there keeps trying to hook up with me, can’t he smell himself he needs a fucking shower, stinky pig.” She looks at him and says, “See ya.” Then she grabs my arm and without looking back we run for the door giggling like teenagers.

  I love Jemma. She really understood me, could tell what I was thinking without asking, and had similar taste in guys, way too similar. In high school we ended up dating the same guy before we were best of friends of course.

  But through it all here we were, six years out of school and still best of friends and sharing a fabulous apartment. Thanks to her high paying job our place was very well furnished. We had gorgeous modern furniture and we painted two feature walls, one in teal and one purple. I love graphic design, hence my career choice so we found some funky mirrors, clocks and art work that showed our personalities and humour.

  I had only been out of my mother’s home for eighteen months and I loved my freedom.

  Growing up with restrictions while my other friends could do more sucked. I will definitely do that differently when I’m a parent.

  I used to lie and tell my mum I was sleeping over at friends’ house just to go to parties. Live and learn that’s for sure.

  I love my mother, she is a total sweetheart. I know now she was protecting me from jerks like my father, but just went about it in the extreme sheltering way.

  Jem and I grab a cab and head home. I take off my shoes that are way too high and start rubbing my feet. Shit, I have blisters already. The pain women go through to loo
k good. I hear my phone beep.

  Digging through my bag I notice it’s an unknown number, thinking who could that be? I read the message and it makes me grin like a Cheshire cat.

  Hi Roxy, it’s Kade from the club. I’m just making sure you

  found your friend and are safe? I really enjoyed talking to you and I’m looking forward to our date. Talk to you Monday.

  “Jemma it’s a message from him already!” I tell my best friend and show her my phone. I quickly text back but keep it short not wanting to sound too keen.

  Yep on our way home now thanks, talk to you then.

  “Well that’s sweet of him, maybe he will prove my theory wrong after all,” Jemma says smirking.

  I sit back into the cab and stare out the window, watching the city lights. I wind down my window and take in the fresh night air, as I smile about the possibility of there being a Romeo out there for me.

  A girl can dream right?

  Chapter 2

  Gotta Take the Good with the Bad

  I’m just finishing up work on Monday afternoon, I’ve thought of Kade a few times throughout the day, mostly wondering if he would actually call.

  As I’m pulling into mum’s driveway to have dinner with her and Phil my phone starts ringing to Pink’s Sober. I grab it and check the caller id, my face lights up when I see his number, it’s Kade! I’d saved it from his text Saturday night. It’s five thirty; he is spot on for time.

  I answer casually.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Roxy it’s Kade from Saturday night,” I hear him say in his deliciously husky voice, even if he does stutter a little making him sound slightly nervous.

  “Oh hi Kade, how are you?” I say back to him smiling and wiggling in my seat with enthusiasm.

  “I’m good, how are you?” he asks with a subtle tone, sounding sweet.

  “I am great, actually I’m glad today is over, Mondays totally suck!” I tell him laughing.

  “I have to agree with you on that one today was hard to get motivated,” he responds.

  “I was just wondering if you were free Wednesday night maybe for dinner and a movie?” he asks me with an eagerness I can clearly hear in his voice.