Breaking My Heart Read online

  Damn. I add my tongue to massage his, a bit of pay back for his passionate kiss.

  “Damn Rox, I will miss this,” he remarks very breathless. I pull away before I beg him to stay.

  “See you guys have a great weekend with the fish,” I tell them all. I look to Kade as he climbs in his Ute with Pete, he smiles and waves. I feel a lump in my throat, far out talk about being head over heels. One more wave and they are off.

  I’m freaking cheering that I’m not invited to Emma’s hen’s night that is on tomorrow night.

  She is super annoying and we just don’t click, bottom line. You can’t force it, as Kade has learnt.

  From what I’ve heard there won’t be many girls there anyway, mostly family and a few close friends, seems the catty Emma just doesn’t gel that well with her own sex.

  The spoiled rich girl doesn’t like female competition more like it.

  It’s all about the hair, outfit, and brand names for her. Without actually causing a scene I’m slowly pushing her buttons. Just for fun.

  I knew the fake Louis Vuitton hand bag I took to dinner last week would get her attention.

  “Pretty awesome looking fake Vuitton,” she tells me while eyeing my bag.

  “Honey this is the real thing, no fake,” I tell her. The

  surprise in her face was priceless, fantastic.

  “I have a friend in New York and she bought it for me and sent it over,” I add feeling esteemed.

  I am sitting on the couch waiting for Jemma to get home and I think of Kade and the boys setting up camp, organising their fishing rods. Boring!

  Men and women definitely have different tastes and interests that’s for sure. I have tried the whole camping experience and the whole no showers part and no electricity is a turn off.

  We have another pole dancing class so I’m looking forward to some fun girly time.

  I can’t believe how fast it has gone with all of our classes.

  We turn up to Blush Dance School for our next lesson. I am dressed this time in shorts and a tight pink tee, Jemma still provocative in her black hot pants and singlet.

  Diva still has her purple hair, bikini top this week is yellow with sequins and she has super short bike pants on, she has an amazing body, very toned, muscular and tanned. Not sure if it’s fake tan or from the sun, but is an awesome and natural looking colour.

  So we start our jogging around to warm up, then stretches.

  “This week girlfriends we are heating it up a bit,” Diva calls out in a loud bubbly voice.

  The next move we are trying is called the true back slide

  “I’ll show you how it’s done,” she bossily tells us and walks over to her pole.

  “So you stand straight up with your back to the pole like

  this and both arms holding onto the pole behind you. Then ladies you extend one leg forward and point your toes, then you begin sliding down the pole while bending the knee of your supporting leg.”

  “Shit Jemma this looks hard, I don’t have good upper body strength,” I whisper a bit scared of failing.

  “Don’t stress, give it a whirl,” she replies always chilled and relaxed. Another thing I love about her.

  I do it! I actually do it and it feels graceful even, though I’m sure it doesn’t look that way. I am just cheering I didn’t stack it.

  We do another front hook spin from that we have learnt before, and this week I nail it. Each week must be strengthening my core and muscles. “Yay Jem, I can do it now!” I yell to her so excited.

  We leave the class all pumped but sweaty and in need of a shower. I feel twinges in my ligaments already, but hey they are toning up right. “I’m heading to bed Jem,” I call out to her yawning feeling drained from the work week, farewelling Kade and now pole dancing. Jem comes out of her room and hugs me.

  “You missing your boyfriend Roxy?” she teases.

  “It’s only been a few hours Jem, give me some credit,” I say back to her always acting tough. I wonder if she can tell how soft I really am.

  “Night babe,” Jemma says and heads to her room. I climb into my empty bed and I honestly can’t remember the last time I slept alone. Shit that is pretty sad. Am I that reliant on Kade? I have become that girl that I never wanted to be. What happened to Miss Independent? I lie in bed thinking a million thoughts and eventually drift off to sleep.

  It’s Saturday and I sleep in, have a long breakfast and lazy morning. “Wanna come shopping with me hoe?” Jemma asks me openly.

  “Sure I’d love to,” I answer back to her. “I need something to wear to bitch faces wedding actually,” I remark chuckling. Jemma laughs too.

  “We will make you look sizzling girlfriend just you wait,” she says blissfully.

  We have a successful day shopping till our feet hurt.

  My dress is perfect I love it. “Thanks for that Jemma I had an awesome day,” I hug her and tell her sincerely. “I hope I haven’t been too neglectful of you lately,” I add unsure of how much of a bad friend I have been.

  “No way, it’s all good I am so happy for you,” she says hugging me back. I hear my phone ringing so I run to grab it out of my handbag. It’s Kade. My face is beaming.

  “Hi Baby,” I answer in my seductive voice.

  “Hi my beautiful baby,” he says back to me. “I don’t have much service so just a quick call to say I miss you,” he says so sweetly I feel my heart jittering.

  “Oh baby I miss you too,” I tell him truthfully.

  “One more day okay,” I add. “Caught any fish?” I query to change the subject.

  “Yep lots of good sized whiting,” he responds and I don’t have any idea what a whiting looks like.

  “That’s awesome,” I say happily. “Jem and I had our pole

  dancing class and shopping today, so I’m keeping out of trouble,” I remark to him giggling.

  “That’s great, glad Jemma is there for you, I hate the thought of leaving you alone,” he replies as the phone starts to crackle. “It’s cutting out Rox, I love you I will see you tomorrow night,” he tells me sincerely and I feel marvellous from his words.

  “Love you to baby, bye,” I say quickly before he goes and then the lines dead. I lay on my bed smiling.

  Jem and I head to the tavern for drinks with Sheree and Tia, they are all keen to party on but at around eleven thirty I say bye to them and catch a cab home, wow have I turned into a homebody, a big change for me. This part sucks, climbing into my empty bed again; I wonder how I managed before I had Kade. It is so lonely without him. I guess that’s why I bed hopped as much as I did. They all showed me affection and attention in bed and that’s what I needed.

  Damn I am glad I don’t have to do that shit anymore, it’s not worth the emotions or the effort.

  I wake up to the sun pouring in through my curtains; the clock says its four thirty. How funny that’s when Kade wakes for surfing practice. I’m on auto pilot. I roll over onto his side and decide I am not staying awake at this ungodly hour for a Sunday. I eventually drift back off.

  I wake again at nine, that’s more like it. I go to see Jemma but her bed hasn’t been slept in, which is another usual occurrence for her and used to be for me, but hey I still need to make sure.

  I get out my phone and call her to check she is indeed okay. “Hello,” she answers sounding terrible.

  “Oh you are alive,” I say smirking into the phone.

  “Oh hi, sorry Rox. I’m at Tia’s, shit I should have texted you sorry,” she says all croaky, obviously from a big night.

  “All good honey, just checking in, I’ll see you when you get home later.”

  I decide to check my personal email; it has been at least one month since I last checked it so I dread how many are there and the spam that has taken over. I load up my laptop, email is loading.

  Shit four hundred and fifty six emails. That’s hilarious!

  I end up unsubscribing to twenty-three bloody newsletters that I didn’t sign up for, how the he
ll does that happen? I am cracking up at some of the jokes sent from Jemma’s work and a couple of other friends. Then by the time I delete the rest, I realise it’s past eleven so I better shower and dress for the day, still unsure of what to do today.

  I hear the door opening at around noon and it’s Jemma. “Hey you,” I call out to her.

  “Hey babe I’m back,” she calls back chirpier than our earlier conversation. I had decided to sort out some clothes in my wardrobe and end up in a mess with clothes all over my bed.

  “I’m in here Jem, come and help me make some wardrobe decisions girlfriend,” I call out again giggling. She sticks her head around the corner.

  “Damn did your closet explode?” she asks laughing at my messy bed.

  “Ha-ha very funny, so this pile I’m not sure about, help!” I say and throw them her way.

  “Kade should go away more often, I love having my best friend back,” says Jemma sentimentally.

  “Aww I will make more of an effort I promise Jem,” I say sincerely not realising how much I’ve neglected her yet again.

  I finish up my wardrobe, with a bag for the charity bin when my phone rings. “Hey baby,” I answer Kade quickly.

  “Hey Roxy, we are taking the boat for one last spin now so should be home around five thirty or six o’clock by the time I drop Pete home,” Kade tells me sweetly and I can hear he has missed me just as much as I missed him.

  “Awesome I am cooking you a yummy dinner and can’t wait to see you baby,” I respond cheerfully.

  “See you in a few hours Rox, bye,” Kade says and ends the call.

  I decide to cook a nice meal for my man to come home to. “Jemma I’m going to cook curried chicken and rice for dinner you in any state to eat?” I question her smirking as I know what that used to feel like.

  “Um, no thanks. I’ll be okay, you and Kade can have a nice romantic home warming,” she answers smirking and gives me a wink.

  I get busy with dinner, steaming the vegies and mixing the curry powder. I plug in my rice cooker and can’t remember the last time I used it. All these dinners out I haven’t really cooked much at all.

  I grill the chicken and add the paste to let it simmer, it smells delicious. I cover the pan up with alfoil to let it sit until I’m ready to dish it up.

  Deciding to have another shower and shave my neglected spiky areas, wanna be silky smooth for my man. I lather up my new coconut body wash; it smells edible. Wonder if Kade will think so too? Oh the thoughts running through my mind, like teaching him a few tricks he can use on me with his tongue, damn the possibilities I smirk, won’t be long I remind myself.

  It’s six o’clock and I’m dressed in a cute little dress, its strapless and light blue and pretty short. I switch on the TV to kill some time in case Kade is running late. Which I’m assuming he is when six thirty comes and goes and still no Kade, so I send him a text.

  Dinner is waiting and so am I, how far away are you sexy?

  I get no response. Twenty minutes passes so I decide to call, it rings out. Maybe he went into Pete’s. I think to myself, be patient.

  At around seven I realise I haven’t heard from Kade since three this afternoon, I’m starting to freak out thinking the worst, the trip should only be two hours, two and a half max and its way over that. I have now rang him seven times; I also have Pete’s number so I decide to try him and it goes straight to voicemail.

  Bloody hell does that mean it’s off or just no service I think to myself?

  I decide to send Ebony, Kade’s sister a message.

  Have you heard from Kade?

  My phone beeps.

  No sweetie, maybe he’s just sound asleep or severely hung over.

  She tells me reassuring me he will be fine.

  Okay well that could be the case but wouldn’t he at least text to say he is home?

  I text her again.

  Can you call your mum and see if he got home okay, he said he would be here for dinner and never showed?

  I pretty much beg her.

  Okay I’m calling now, give me a couple mins.

  She messages back. Phew.

  It feels like hours but then my phone rings, it’s Ebony, and I answer. “Hi Ebony, is there any news?”

  “Hey Roxy, Kade isn’t home yet and apparently Emma has been ringing too as Pete is out of contact as well,” she tells me now sounding a little worried.

  “Shit, what the hell is going on, the last time I spoke to him he was taking the boat for one last spin, what if something happened?” I respond very worried and upset.

  “Roxy I’m coming over, maybe we can go to Emma’s and wait till they get home?” she insists in a caring way.

  “Yes please hun, I’d appreciate it.”

  “See you in fifteen minutes Roxy,” she adds.

  Emma turns up spot on fifteen minutes later and with John in tow, I’m guessing for moral support.

  She hugs me thoughtfully. “I will give Emma a call and see if we can head over?” I nod and watch her calling Emma, I’m starting to feel a little numb, and the not knowing is the worst part. Maybe they are stuck in traffic, or have a flat tyre or maybe it’s much more serious. I just need to fucking know.

  “Okay Rox lets go, Emma said to come over,” she tells me and I grab my jacket and purse and head out the door definitely eager to get some more information about what the hell is going on.

  We arrive at Emma’s twenty minutes later and there are two cars there I don’t recognise. I knock on the door and Sarah answers, she is Taylor’s girlfriend. “Hey Rox,” she says to me and hugs me, it is all very morbid.

  “Hey Sarah, have you heard anything? Did the boat get back; did they have a flat tyre?” I bombard her with questions.

  I hear Emma. “Tell them to come in,” she calls out in a little voice. We head inside.

  “What’s the latest Emma?” I ask her eagerly.

  “Well one of the boats is missing, obviously it’s the one with Pete, Kade, Taylor, Johnno and Matty,” she replies looking sombre. “The water police towed the other boat in as there was a storm coming,” she adds to the bad news I wasn’t expecting. “Apparently there are high seas out there now, so vision isn’t great,” she continues and then breaks down crying.

  I go over to her. “Hey Emma, it will be ok, these guys are pro’s on the water, if anyone can get through this is those five especially Kade and Pete. Johnno will just be drinking all the beer, Matty telling jokes and Taylor, well I bet he’s on his iPad trying to get a signal,” I say to her humorously trying to help.

  Well that made her smile even if just for a second.

  Sarah then adds. “Well said Roxy, I have faith in these men, let’s just try and get some rest best we can till we hear more.”

  “I know thanks girls, it’s just scary, and Pete’s all I’ve ever known. We have been together ten years since high school; he is my fiancé, best friend and family all in the one. I just can’t lose him,” she cries into my shoulder. I put my arm around her to comfort her; well damn she does have a heart.

  Makes me feel a hell of a lot better she is crying over Pete and not my boyfriend.

  Emma calms down and I sit on the lounge a million thoughts running through my brain.

  Like how the hell didn’t they know it was coming, weather reports hello?

  Who the hell goes fishing on the ocean and doesn’t check the forecast and wave heights. I am so pissed off right now, well that and scared to death. Ebony and John come and sit with me. “It will be okay Roxy, Kade knows the water better than anyone,” she tells me and I think she is trying to convince herself as well as me. Emma brings out blankets and we all get a comfortable spot.

  Ok chill Rox, I tell myself. Kade is an excellent driver, knows the water and is also a strong swimmer so if worst came to worse he should be able to swim to safety. Shit, sharks. No don’t go there. But of course my mind does its usual wondering and shows me vivid pictures of large man eating great whites with large teeth, hunger in the
ir beady eyes, stalking their prey. Okay stop.

  I force myself to look at Emma, who looks really upset. Well fuck, her fiancé who she is marrying in two weeks is missing; it must be terrible for her. Devastating.

  It’s now around three in the morning and we are all still at Emma and Pete’s. I’m lying on the lounge, Emma went to her room, Ebony and John laying on the pull out sofa and Taylor’s girlfriend Sarah is sitting in the arm chair.

  When all of a sudden the front door flies open. In comes Pete and he’s immediately calling out to Emma. “Emma, Emma honey I’m home, we are okay!” I can hear the urgency in his voice to find her.

  She comes running out of the bedroom. “Oh Pete, thank god, oh my god baby I was so worried,” she cries throwing her arms around his neck kissing him, he picks her up.

  “Shhhh it’s okay I’m safe.”

  I now have my eyes glued to the door. “Where’s K...” I start to say, when he walks in.

  I jump up from the lounge and run to him faster than I have ever ran before.

  “Oh Kade thank fucking god,” I say shaking and scared. I jump into his arms and he spins me around and kisses me with so much passion and emotion that I’m glad he’s holding me or would have fallen over. “Oh baby I thought you were gone, I love you so much, I was so worried. Don’t you ever do that to me again!” I point into his chest and yell at him. Then I pull him into a warm loving embrace and look into his eyes, those warm chocolate eyes that I have missed so much and thought I may never see again.

  “Oh Roxy you have no idea how scared I was. The thought of not seeing you again, the thought of being without you scared the shit out of me, I love you so, so, so much it’s crazy!” he tells me with so much feeling that I get butterflies in my tummy, so this is what those movies Dear John, The Notebook and City of Angels were talking about.

  The truth about Love, that four letter word that creates so much joy, warmth and a tingly sensation that makes life worth living. Yep I am so undeniably, incredibly in love with this man that it hurts.

  And for once, I have a man that feels exactly the same way and he completes me.

  Everyone has their turn hugging and saying how glad they are everyone is okay. Sarah and Taylor have a loving moment and are the first ones to leave. They take Matty with them, the poor guy is recently divorced so no-one was expecting him home to realise he was missing.