Breaking My Heart Read online

  “Totally, Wednesday is perfect for me,” I respond to him while smiling into my mobile phone. “Awesome,” he replies and I can tell that he is smiling as well. “Do you have any ideas on a movie you’d like to see?”

  “Um I know there’s a new action one with Liam Neeson or that romantic comedy that came out last week. I bet you would rather see the action one though.” I joke to him.

  “Well yeah the action one is actually more appealing but as long as it’s not a sappy girly flick it is totally your call, well this time anyway,” Kade responds laughing. The ice is definitely broken.

  This conversation is flowing so well, relaxed and he has a sense of humour.

  “Okay cool, well I’ve heard good things about it so I think it will be a hoot,” I assure him. “How bout I check out the time when I get inside, I’m just in my car and I’ll text you the movie times.”

  “If you don’t mind that would be great, me and technology don’t really mix,” he answers with another laugh.

  “So did you go surfing after work today?” I query trying to keep the phone call going for a bit longer.

  “Yep I sure did, pretty much every morning and afternoon I’m surfing,” he confesses.

  “Damn that is dedication.” I point out. “I wish I had a hobby that I felt passionate about, I mean I played volleyball in high school but that’s pretty much it,” I say reminiscing.

  “Maybe Jemma and I should take those pole dancing classes we were talking about,” I add with a slightly flirtatious voice.

  “Oh really, that would be interesting to watch,” Kade responds laughing.

  “Ha-ha I bet!” I laugh back.

  “Well Roxy I gotta get showered and have my dinner, it’s gonna be an early one tomorrow,”

  “Ok cool, I will check the movie times and text you shortly,” I say to him, happy that we will be in contact again tonight. Why am I being so clingy already? My mind wanders.

  “Okay thanks, bye Roxy. I will see you on Wednesday. I can’t wait,” Kade declares and I swear my heart skips a beat, if it wasn’t for my rib cage it may have popped out.

  “Great see you then, bye Kade.” I’m smiling as I press end on my iPhone.

  I take a minute to settle myself before I head into mums. I’m still reeling from our chat, I am kind of glad that I’m at mums or Jemma would have noticed my demeanour and I would have gotten asked a million questions about my mood. You know she is just looking out for you right? I think to myself. I kiss mum hello.

  “Phil will be half an hour or so, I’m just finishing up on the roast honey, put your feet up,” she insists.

  So I crash on the lounge and flick on the TV, needing some downtime after a crappy work day. Then I google the cinemas and find the movie Love, Lust & Craziness it’s on at six thirty or nine thirty. Damn it’s either pretty early or pretty late, so I text Kade and tell him the times.

  Hey Kade, the movie is only on at six thirty or nine thirty, is six thirty too early for you?

  I question thinking that the nine thirty one would mean a late one for a work night.

  Hey, no six thirty is okay, we might just have to have a quick dinner or something on the way, do you mind?

  Kade asks me, and I find it sweet.

  Fine by me, wanna leave about five forty-five then?

  Yep sure, I will pick you up then, can you text me your address?

  Sure it’s 14 Dwyer Street, North Sydney. I’m in apartment six but I’ll come down and meet you out front, trust me it’s easier.

  Okay awesome, I will see your pretty face on Wednesday.

  He texts back and I can feel myself beaming.

  And I will see your handsome face then too.

  I lay back on the lounge wondering what the hell I’m getting myself into, but totally enjoying every minute.

  I’m glad our first date is casual and to the movies, it is a nice feeling just being relaxed and not acting posh in some restaurant and hell it’s not every day a guy takes me out.

  Kade picks me up in his powerful Ute, definitely a cool car; it’s white, very manly and has super shiny wheels. “Let me get the door for you,” he says to me sweetly while opening my door. I notice his hand shaking showing me he is a little nervous. It has me wondering how many girls he has taken out before me. A shy and reserved guy. I could definitely teach him a thing or two that’s for sure. Or maybe this is his tactic, to act all coy and rigid and once I’m snagged, he gives me the flick.

  I decide to chill and relax. I swear I’m such a nutter at times.

  “If we want to make the movie we need to get something quick and fast,” I say stating the facts.

  “Are you a fan of McDonald’s?” I ask interested in his response. “It sure isn’t flashy but it is fast and has a drive through,” I giggle.

  “Are you sure Roxy? I mean, I definitely would take you to a flashy, classy restaurant if we had the time you know that don’t you?” he confesses to make sure I don’t think he’s a cheapskate.

  “It is just an alternative for dinner as we are running late, I am a hundred percent fine with it,” I confess as I’d rather see the movie to be honest and it starts in thirty minutes.

  Not an ideal first date dinner, but I’m not a snob from the city that is after all the materialistic crap so McDonalds it is.

  Kade pulls up next to the speaker and in his deep voice he orders, “A quarter pounder meal please.”

  Ironically that’s my favourite too so I say to him, “I’ll have the same”.

  “Make that two regular quarter pounder meals please,” he says again into the speaker then looks to me and smiles.

  He parks for a minute to add chips to his burger and remove the pickle. “No way,” I sputter. I then do the exact same. It was the only way I ate them. That definitely broke the ice a little bit more.

  I kind of, well definitely, take the lead and ask him, “Mind if I make the end of night kiss, less awkward?” I look into his eyes and lean in to kiss him. He blushes and kisses me back.

  I am glad there were no hands involved as grease and sauce is not appealing.

  It was sweet and tender, a great first kiss. I then get back to business on my quarter pounder, yum. I catch him staring so I ask him, “What do I have sauce on my face?”

  “Well actually you do,” he declares at me and chuckles. Then he uses his thumb and wipes the sauce away from the corner of my lip. Well that was funny, embarrassing and possibly the sweetest thing I’ve had a guy do for me in a while. I feel my cheeks blush. Damn. It’s my turn to look away. Roxy Thorne did not just blush now did she?

  We arrive five minutes early to the movie and get tickets, Kade pays for my ticket and popcorn and from what I can tell; there are no expectations for sex. But maybe he does expect it?

  The night is still very young and there’s no point in being

  presumptuous Roxanne, I think to myself as we head in to find our seats.

  “Where do you wanna sit?” Kade asks me. I walk into one of the free middle rows and point.

  “This looks perfect,” I tell him and he nods. I feel the temperature rise as we take our seats and he eases his solid muscular frame beside me, I glance in his direction, and from the look in his eyes I sense he feels it too.

  The movie starts and there are immediate funny scenes, like a restaurant date and the food is spilled and ends up in the guy’s lap. It is hilarious! I laugh and even snort at one point, it’s that funny. Being an Adam Sandler movie I shouldn’t have expected anything less.

  Kade is enjoying himself as well, cracking up at the funny parts, which seem to be every few minutes. “This movie is funny, great choice,” he admits to me in a cute whispering voice. “Are you an Adam Sandler fan?”

  “Totally, he is crude but funny,” I reply. “What about you?”

  “Definitely, he is a favourite comedy actor of mine.” Well that’s a relief, you either love Adam Sandler or hate him and we both love him.

  We both laugh, and enjoy each othe
r’s company. I hold my arm on the chair waiting for him to hold my hand but he doesn’t. Is he nervous? Does he not want to hold my hand? A lot of thoughts are running through my head. Should I hold his hand? No, I wanted to be wanted, needed. I decide it’s his turn to make the next move if he is really interested. After the loser guys from my past I deserved to find my happiness didn’t I? Oh and learn not to drop my panties for every guy that shows interest, even if I do love a good romp in the bedroom. God Roxy just chill, you really don’t expect him to be like this after he gets sex now do you? My thoughts are running rampant again. Sometimes I feel schizophrenic, like I have the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Good Roxy, bad Roxy.

  We walk back to his truck and I feel so comfortable around him, I’m sensing the same from him.

  He opens the door for me again, very courteous. I hop in and he starts the engine and it roars to life with a sound that I find extremely hot. It has vivacity and sex appeal.

  While Kade is driving I decide to dig a little deeper and find out more about this sweet yet mysterious man.

  “So Kade, what do you do for fun?” I ask smirking at him, not sure what his definition of fun is.

  He smiles over at me before saying, “Well most mornings and afternoons I’m at the beach surfing or doing fitness. I’m training for The Australian Open of Surfing, it’s in six months,” I stare into his eyes and see the passion he has for surfing when he talks about it.

  It actually makes me sad wishing that I had that passion about something, anything or anyone but I don’t and probably never will. I’m twenty-four and still single, but at least I’m living on my own and doing a job I love.

  “But hanging out with mates at the pub or having barbeques, the usual Aussie stuff, I guess is fun to me,” he adds.

  “Awesome about the surfing, I can’t say I’ve ever tried it, but you must be damn good.” I point out to him. “I’m impressed. I am your typical Aussie girl myself, we regular at the local pub on Thursday nights,” I add to let him know I’m not all about clubs and partying. “I definitely hang out in jeans and thongs just like other girls my age,” I continue to tell him. Secretly I even wear sweat pants on the cold days, though I wouldn’t be caught

  dead leaving the house in them.

  We aren’t auditioning for the Jerry Springer Show.

  “Oh I love this song, mind if I turn it up?” I ask Kade as the song “Here Without You” comes on the radio.

  “Of course anything by Three Doors Down is a winner in this truck,” he emphasises. I sing along, I really love this song. I stop singing to see Kade staring at me. Good thing there aren’t many cars on the road. “That was awesome, great little voice you have their Roxy I will never listen to that song again without thinking of you,” he jokes. He always succeeds in getting me to smile and making me feel absolutely wonderful.

  We are getting closer to my place so I decide to throw him a little curveball.

  “Well thanks for tonight it was fun.” I emphasise the word fun to him. Then I question, “So are you planning on asking me out again?” I’m now staring over at him; I’m never backwards at going forwards that’s for sure. He gazes into my eyes. Honestly deeper than I thought possible.

  Then he answers quickly, “I definitely want to see you again, if you are interested?”

  Knowing his self-esteem needs a boost I answer giving him a smirk. “Yep for sure, a girl would be crazy not to want to see you again.” He smiles a bright warm smile that makes me feel all hot and gooey inside, just like a caramel fudge sundae.

  “I actually have a boys fishing trip this weekend so maybe Monday or Tuesday night?”

  My heart sinks, oh right a ‘boys fishing trip’ I’ve heard that before, code for getting pissed, picking up chicks and no witnesses. I really like him and should give him the benefit of the doubt but will he be just another number... I try not to show him my disappointment when I answer. “Tuesday night works for me.”

  He drops me home, and opens the truck door; I’m still a little pissed about the lie. I know no one our age actually goes fishing. But I think stuff him; I’ll show him what he is missing. I let him walk me up to my door and I say, “Thanks again, guess I’ll see you Tuesday.” He steps in towards me and I see lust in his eyes, he puts a hand on my hip and kisses me sweetly, I grab his hair and deepen the kiss, pushing our bodies together.

  He puts another hand on my hip, he seems hesitant to get too close but I push into him and I can tell by the hardness between his legs that he’s enjoying this enormously. I add my tongue and massage his around and around, thinking of this as a good bye kiss not wanting anymore sleaze bags in my life. I pull back reluctantly and then give him one last peck and say, “Goodnight Kade.”

  He blushes and the scorching lust in his eyes shows me he is totally hot for me. Plan worked!

  With that I turn and walk inside.

  I kick off my heels just as Jemma comes running out of her bedroom. “Well tell me everything now!” she screams in typical Jemma fashion.

  I just smile at her wondering how long I can keep her at arm’s length and in suspense before she attacks. Five, four, three, two, one, I count off in my head just as she jumps on me tackling me to the lounge.

  “Oh my god Jemma you animal, get off!” I yell at her although I’m laughing. “I’m not moving an inch until you spill the beans Roxy Lilly Thorne.” She threatens pushing me down harder.

  “Okay, okay you win get the fuck off me bitch,” I say jokingly. She then moves to the other cushion.

  “Well it was nice, he was a total gentleman, he’s a surfer, we both like quarter pounders, he is a great kisser and from the hard on I’d say he has a big dick,” I say giggling.

  “Oh that sounds sweet honey and hot about his package,” Jemma says hugging me tightly.

  “But wait for it, he has a boys weekend fishing this weekend,” I tell her growling.

  “Fuck,” she says. “Yep and we know what that means, code for sluts, shots and strippers,” I reply annoyed.

  “Oh babe, I’m sure it’s harmless, look at my brother he goes fishing and it’s just him and the fish.

  Kade might be legit.” Jemma is trying her best to cheer me up. So I put on a front, after all I am Roxy, tough as an ox, chick of steel, harder than nails Thorne.

  “Anyway, there are plenty more fish in the sea, this guy is turning out to be the smartest one yet, but no one pulls the wool over my eyes. A blindfold maybe, but not wool,” I burst into laughter while adding this. Then I jump on Jemma and proceed to rumble her as payback for her earlier efforts.

  I grab a quick shower and hop into bed, it’s my safe haven, and I’m feeling crap and deflated about Kade.

  I thought this might have been my chance to settle down, find my prince charming. But hey I’ve managed this long, so I can keep going on and just having fun, right?

  Kade is super sweet, courteous, and hot, but was it all an act?

  I used to be young and innocent once, not so tough and independent.

  Before those countless jerks took away my reason to fight for ‘The One’. They showed me a good time but not a long time as the saying goes.

  I guess having my father leave and the other men treat my mother with disrespect has never helped my frame of mind either.

  Guys from my past have either lied or cheated so I’m just not sure how I can trust when I have been burnt before. Thinking back to my teens, I can’t say I felt lonely.

  I had my friends, my mum was around some afternoons, I did the usual teenage stuff like movies and shopping and I wrote in my diary.

  The usual drinking at parties, but I always went overboard and I would end up throwing up.

  As I became aware that I was curvier than the other girls in high school I began to lose my confidence, I didn’t know where I slotted in, guys didn’t show as much interest in me like my prettier friends.

  Sure I had blonde hair, blue eyes, decent boobs, but my tummy wasn’t flat and my legs we
ren’t skinny.

  I started fooling around with boys and realised the further you went the more interest they showed, so that’s how it all started. It’s all fun and games, that is, until someone gets hurt.

  I think back to a night where I had a close call, I was at a

  party where there were older boys. I started fooling around with one of them and he wouldn’t take no for an answer when I said I didn’t want to go further. I managed to push him off but it still shook me up a bit.

  It did serve to calm down my behaviour a bit though which was a good thing. Well for a little while anyway.

  I kissed a guy quite a few times named Liam and lost my virginity to him at sixteen.

  He was a gorgeous guy who had pursued me for a while, after a few drinks we ended up in a spare bedroom and bobs your uncle, good bye virginity. We hooked up regularly after that but all he was ever interested in was the sex, no doubt about that, so I went along with it, not even telling him I had feelings for him, as I know it would have pushed him away..

  But when I saw him hook up with another girl at a party it really fucking hurt. He ditched me for something hotter and was obviously more concerned with adding another notch to his list of conquests.

  That was the norm for the next three or so years. I found myself a gorgeous Hockey player who was very charming, sexy, and showed a lot of interest. Things were hot in the bedroom that’s for sure; he even bought me gifts for my birthday and Valentine’s Day. It was impressive.

  But things kept occurring that made me suspicious of where he was, who he was with, and why he never took his phone with him. I caught him in a few lies, so catching him in bed with another chick was really no surprise, even though it still hurt like hell. Turns out it was actually his girlfriend whom he’d had the whole six months we were together, that was the icing on the cake!

  From my experience men are all the same they just can’t

  keep their dicks in their pants, always looking for the better,

  hotter, newer girl. I did hold that candle of belief once that there were some honest and good guys around but they were all taken, gay or maybe in another country... But now having played the field for what feels like forever, I am not so hopeful.