Shocked and Shattered Read online

  “Oh my God! You got me a kitten?” I squeal. I have wanted a cat since I lost mine five years ago.

  “Hello in there. You are beautiful,” I say to my new grey and white furry friend. I pick him up for a cuddle, holding him close to my chest. He is so soft, and cute as a button.

  “So I gather you like your surprise?” Hannah asks, but all I can do at the moment is smile. I have been oblivious to her since I saw the gorgeous bundle of fur.

  “Oh Hannah, it’s the most perfect surprise ever. I love it!” I shout and pull her in for a hug.

  “I’m so glad you love it. She can keep you company when I am not around, sweetie.”

  “Does he have a name yet?”

  “She is a girl, and no. That is your job.”

  “Awesome. Well, she is grey, so smoky? Haze, maybe? I just thought of something funny. She is grey, and my doctor is Liam Grayson.”

  “That is super funny. Maybe it is fate.” Hannah plays along.

  “Oh, I have the perfect name for my little girl…Stormy. She is saving me from the storm and whirlwind of my chaotic life,” I declare, smiling.

  “That’s perfect, Crys,” Hannah agrees. We spend the next few hours doting over the newest family member.

  CHAPTER 10 - Disappointed

  Round two of chemo, and I’m lucky enough to have Hannah with me again. Her employer has been fantastic, and she is able to work from home and start later when I need her. I was much sicker this time, which I hear is to be expected. I am also getting more depressed, and am so grateful for Stormy.

  “I will be away for three days, Crystal. Will you be okay without me?” Sterling questions me, although it sounds more like he is just stating the obvious. I can’t help but laugh. Will I be okay without him? Hell, when does he actually do anything for me?

  “I’ve been okay without you for years. You are like a flatmate that is never home,” I say truthfully.

  “Don’t say that, Crystal. Didn’t I come home for dinner and bring you Chinese last week?”

  “Yeah. First time we had dinner together in weeks, but I’m too nauseas to eat. I’ve been that way for months,” I say, frustrated.

  “Well, I do try,” he protests, and I decide to see if he really will try.

  “Okay then. How about you come to my next chemo on Wednesday?” I’m hoping that he will man up like Liam suggested. He can lie all he wants about helping me, but maybe he should fucking get his act together and up his game.

  “Fine. I will have a few hours off work Wednesday morning, so I will come. Will that make you happy?” he questions me. Am I happy? Well, no, I’m not.

  “You will finally get a glimpse into my world right now, at least,” I respond, feeling conflicted.

  Hannah spends the two nights here that Sterling is away. It’s nice to have her company more often. “Let’s get out of the apartment, Crystal. I have a plan. Can you wear shorts and a tee?” My wardrobe right now is track pants and a long sleeve tee. My body temperature is totally messed up.

  “Okay, just for you. But don’t expect me to shave my legs.” She giggles.

  We climb into her car. I have my hoodie, vomit bag, and water bottle in hand; all necessities for my life these days. As a model, I would always have a full bag of make-up, face spritz, hair brush, breath mints, spray tan, and nail polish on hand for emergencies. Damn, life has changed these past few months.

  I power down the window and enjoy the fresh air on my face. It’s warm, but still invigorating. After thirty minutes, Hannah pulls up onto a grass embankment. I have been daydreaming and not paying attention to where we were driving.

  I look out to the view in front of us. The gorgeous blue waves are crashing onto the sandy shore. The water is a dark blue and travels for miles. I see the flocks of seagulls flying around, looking for food. There are a few groups of people in the water, but not too busy being a weekday and all.

  My senses pick up the salty scent of the water, and it brings back memories of trips to the beach when Iwould sunbake for hours.I can’t help but wonder if I will ever get back to the way I was.

  We head down onto the sand. Hannah takes off my thongs, and the feeling of the sand between my toes is heaven. It makes me feel alive.

  “This was a really great idea, Han.” We walk arm in arm, down to the water’s edge.

  I dip my feet into the water. It is warm from the sun, but so refreshing. I smile and inhale the salty scent and smile as the sun’s rays invigorate me.

  We sit on towels and enjoy the serenity and peace of this place. It’s the best thing I have done in months. I feel the need to text Liam and let him know I’m having a great day.

  Me: How is your day? Hannah has brought me to the beach. It’s so serene and beautiful.

  Liam: My day is fine, but doesn’t compare to yours. I am so glad you are getting out and about.

  Me: There is something about the beach. It makes everything better.

  Liam: I do agree, it’s tranquil. I spend a lot of time at the beach. Maybe one day I could teach you to surf.

  Me: What makes you think I don’t already know how to surf?

  Liam: Do you?

  Me: I don’t. I totally suck at surfing, but I can stand up.

  Liam: Well, you have surprised me. I will have to see it to believe it when you are in remission.

  Me: It is a deal!

  “Are you texting the doctor again?” Hannah asks, smirking.

  “Yes, but wipe that smirk off your face. It’s all professional,” I lie.

  “Sure it is,” she replies, and pokes out her tongue playfully.

  It’s Wednesday, so I wake at seven to shower and prepare for round three of chemo. Sterling is actually coming with me. I still won’t believe it until he is in the room.

  “Are you sure work will survive without you, Sterling?” I ask jokingly as I eat a dry piece of toast. It’s amazing how you become accustomed to bland and tasteless food.

  “It will be a struggle for them, but it’s only a couple hours, right?” God, I wonder why he’s bothering to come at all. It’s not like he will hold my hand through it.

  We ride the lift up to level eight, which has become a place of dread for me. Sterling is quiet, and I am feeling anxious. As the lift comes to a stop on our floor, we step out. “It’s the last room on the left,” I announce. He doesn’t respond.

  I type in my passcode and enter the chemo treatment room. The walls in here are painted a pale blue colour, and unlike others I’ve seen with the aged couches and a homey feel, this one is very modern. It has a huge flat screen with Foxtel connected. People with money get what they pay for I guess.

  There are fifteen recliners, and each patient has their own chair, blanket, stool, monitors, and IV with drip. Today, there are six of us in here so far. I recognise a few faces, but a couple are new.

  “This is the room we have to sit in? Is it even sterile?” Sterling asks rudely, and I feel my stress level rising. It’s a fucking chemo room, for God’s sake. Did he expect a home theatre room, and thousand dollar recliners inside of a penthouse? I ignore him and take my seat.

  “Welcome, Miss Edgeworth,” Nurse Jane says to me, smiling. She is my favourite so far; very sweet and kind. Oh, that just reminded me that I haven’t had a chance to change from my maiden name to my married name. But in my defence, I’ve been very distracted with certain health problems.

  “Hi, Jane. This is my husband, Sterling.” I introduce them.

  “I’m so glad you finally came with her. It is a very draining and hard time for your wife,” Jane informs Sterling. Little does she know, her words fall on deaf ears.

  He just smiles to be kind as Jane hooks up the usual IV that I dread. I notice Sterling staring around the room at the cancer patients with a look of disgust. Ava, the poor woman I was chatting to last session is on her third lot of chemo as the cancer came back. She is very pale, thin, and has lost her hair. He stares at her like she has something he can catch. This man is so self-centred, like
, seriously. Is he so far above everyone else? Does he think the people in here are fleas in the carriage compartment while he is in first class?

  “Stop staring,” I whisper to him as it’s becoming noticeable. I see Liam watching him as he gawks at the poor patients.

  “I don’t think I can stay here for two hours, Crystal,” he sneers. I’m getting so good at ignoring certain comments he makes. Otherwise, I might stab him in the eye with a sharp object.

  “I might go and grab a coffee from the cafeteria. Do you want one?” It’s been ten minutes, and he is already trying to get out of here.

  “No, thanks,” I reply, and he is heading out the door faster than a flash.

  Liam makes his way over to me as Jane adjusts the drip and moves onto the next patient.

  "So, that is the infamous husband?" he queries. "Seems like a bit of a jerk. He was here five minutes, and already he’s gone outside."

  "Yeah. Lately, he's been the King of the jerks," I state bitterly.

  "You shouldn't have to deal with his immaturity, as well as being so sick, Crystal."

  "Guess I just got the short straw," I boast sarcastically.

  "I think he might need a word from your trusty oncologist," Liam exclaims, raising an eyebrow.

  "No, please don’t. He will get offensive, and it will make it worse," I plead with him.

  Liam heads over to the computer to type something, and I breathe deeply, avoiding the burning sensation from the needle and the IV.

  Twenty minutes later, the door opens and Sterling walks in, looking annoyed. I can't remember the last time I saw him smile. That is not a good thing.

  Liam looks at him, then to the coffee and donut in his hands. I immediately hope the smell doesn’t make any of the patients feel more nauseas from the smell.

  "Mr. Hunt, I'm Dr. Liam Grayson, your wife's oncologist." Liam introduces himself as Sterling takes the seat next to me. He holds his hand out to shake as he would a work colleague.

  "Oh yes. Thank you for your help with Crystal." Sterling returns the handshake.

  "You do realise that your wife is very sick, right? Her cancer is stage IIB, which means it's further advanced, and in her lymph nodes. She mentioned your busy workload. Will you be taking some leave to help care for her?" he asks Sterling in a stern tone. I love just how forward he is being.

  "It's impossible for me to take any more time off, but I'm hiring a full-time nurse to care for her," Sterling informs him, and it’s a shock to me.

  "Since when?" I ask, seeing as how this is the first I've heard about it.

  "I organised it today. It was meant to be a surprise," he replies. I think he is lying through his teeth.

  "I don't want a full-time nurse. I want someone close to me, like Hannah, or my husband," I scoff angrily.

  "Crystal, please watch your tone. I'll do my best to be home for dinner each night," he snarls, and I see red. He will try to be home for dinner? What, ten hours in the office is not enough?

  "Don't fucking bother." I turn my head away, putting in my headphones and closing my eyes.

  Man, I want to scream right now.

  I open one eye, as I remember Liam being involved in our conversation. Crap. Did I sound like an immature and ungrateful wife? I see him at the desk filling out paperwork, occasionally glancing at me.

  Sterling is gathering his briefcase as he looks at his watch. "I have a meeting I forgot about. I'll see you later," he says to me before heading out the door. Wow, I married some piece of fucking work.

  Coming to my senses and seeing this as the last straw, I decide right then and there that I need to end things with Sterling. How can I stay with someone like him?

  Liam comes back over to me and hands me a single flower, then walks back over to his computer. I notice that no other patients have been given a flower, and they didn’t notice. I inhale its scent. It has a light enchanting aroma, and is a pretty pale violet colour. It’s one of the nicest things given to me since this whole thing started.

  I close my eyes and try to drown out the nausea taking over, and the events that occurred today. Then I realise I have no way of getting home. It's Hannah's day at work, and I assumed Sterling would stay.

  Fuck

  A wave of nausea hits hard. I grab the vomit bag and empty my stomach. Things sure seem to be going from bad to worse. I sleep for the next hour, which is helpful to numb the treatment, and my life.

  When I wake, Liam is gone, but I watch him re-enter the room a few moments later. Today he is looking exceptionally handsome. His blonde hair is wavy, just below his ears. He is clean shaven, and I can see his immaculate grey button up shirt and black pants under his white coat.

  As he heads towards me, I notice just how tight his shirt is. He must be nice and toned under that shirt. I look up, just as his green eyes find mine. I’d never noticed them until now. A nice jade green colour. It’s unusual that I’ve not seen any similar.

  “How are you, Crystal?” he asks me, and I see his perfectly straight, white teeth.

  “Better now that I emptied my stomach,” I reply, feeling weak.

  “The vomiting is a nasty side effect, unfortunately. Has your husband gone to get you more ice water?” I can’t help but look away. I don’t need his sympathy. Poor little rich girl, in a shitty marriage, with no one who cares. I can’t buy my way out of this one.

  “Crystal?” I look in his direction.

  “Sterling had a work meeting he had forgotten about, so he left.” It sounds even worse when I say it out loud. The King of the jerks has deserted me again.

  “What the hell? Why would he leave you here, alone and unguarded?” he asks, sounding angry.

  “I’m getting used to it,” I snap, feeling scrutinized.

  “Well, I’m not. The guy is a huge asshole, and he will get what is coming to him,” he snaps, sounding serious and frustrated.

  I smile at his words. Yes, to all of the above; however, I’m not so positive when it comes to karma.

  “Haven’t you noticed how the world works yet Liam? The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and the assholes get away with murder.” No matter how many times I’ve wished karma would punish Sterling, it never once has.

  “Is Hannah coming to collect you then?” he asks, looking concerned.

  “Well, that is the other problem. She is at work, and Sterling was my ride home.” I hate feeling like a burden on the whole world right now.

  “That’s okay. I finish at four today, so I can drive you home. You could pass out in a cab. You need to be watched,” he informs me.

  “Only if you are sure. I don’t want to be a burden,” I reply, feeling like a charity case.

  “Don’t you dare be silly. It’s all sorted, and you are far from a burden to me,” he declares.

  “Thank you. I appreciate it, Liam.” I find myself unsure if using his first name in this room is appropriate or not.

  I throw up again before my session is complete. I think it’s a mix of the chemo treatment and stress, which could be making it worse. Liam is right, I don’t need Sterling being immature and selfish right now.

  “Are you okay for a ride home, Crystal?” Nurse Jane asks. I’m sure she saw my so-called husband take off earlier.

  “That’s okay, Jane. I am dropping Miss Edgeworth off at home, as her husband was called to work with an emergency.” Liam jumps in before I can answer.

  “Oh, that’s great! I was worried. I’ll see you in two weeks, gorgeous girl.” She gives me a wink, and it seems to have a hidden meaning behind it. I slowly stand. I really miss being able to stand up and not feel dizzy or sick. It’s the little things in life that we take for granted.

  “I’ve got you,” Liam says. I feel his strong hands around my back, holding me upright. He is so masculine and robust. The way he holds me up, I feel like I’m floating.

  “Thanks,” I reply, feeling helpless.

  Nurse Jane brings over a wheelchair, which will make the trip to the parking lot a hell of a
lot easier. Will I ever get back to normal? Walking short distances is even a struggle, and being so dependent on everyone is the worst feeling. I have a vomit bag with me just in case, which makes me feel like a five-year-old child going on a long trip. If I didn’t feel so crappy, I might be embarrassed in front of this exceptionally good looking doctor whose car I’m getting into, but I don’t have the energy to even feel insecure.

  “Hold on to my arm.” I do my best, but even the strength in my fingers has gone. We walk the short distance to the car, and I can’t help but inhale his aftershave. It is so manly and pleasurable to my senses. Plus, it’s not making me nauseas, which is an added bonus right now.

  He is so attentive and courteous. It really is an eye-opener to how woeful Sterling treats me, even now that I have cancer.

  Liam lifts me effortlessly into his car, which I notice is very new and modern. It’s even nicer than Sterling’s BMW.